It’s Good to Want Things

Last night my night was made all by a song.

Love when it’s that simple! Goodbye Horses by Q Lazarus. The song featured in The Silence of the Lambs when Buffalo Bill is primping for his date with the video camera in all his twisted glory. I’ve often wondered what the heck the name of that song was and you may think I could have spotted it in the rolling credits at the end of the film, but no, I tell you, I’ve been blind to it somehow, even when specifically watching for the title. After another brief periodical search online, at last it was to be found! Yay! I sooo want that song, but on iTunes it currently is not. Nor Napster. Le sigh, wait, I must.

However, when I do find that woman’s car, I’m so repainting.

So, a couple nights back some total nutcake sporting a mound of dreadlocks and driving a blue El Camino with a yellow flame paint job was weaving in and out of traffic like a mad woman, only to pass my sister by, as she blazed her trail of havoc on down the road. Just before passing, Tina sees that the woman is wildly bopping her head back and forth, presumably to music and not a seizure, and carrying on a conversation with the car next to here via lots of waving and hand signaling. Somehow, as is so often the case, the nutcake ends up back behind my sister as they’re approaching an intersection. Many a time some fool has raced by me seemingly long gone off into the distance only to find that there they are, right alongside me ten minutes later. It’s all relative. This particular nutcake ends up plowing into my sister at the backed up intersection, only to then speed off followed by the people in the car she was conversing with, their faces all the while struck with shock. After a few tears and a lot of anger, Bean’s perfectly okay (thank you, Lord) albeit, her car was fairly well crunched. I’m happy to find that no nasty temper or dormant inner vigilante rose up within me with a need to hunt, capture and restore justice with a vengeful glee, as would have been the case at one time. However, when I do find that woman’s car, I’m so repainting. Something revealing like “I drop-kick puppies in my spare time” plastered along the sides in place of those yellow flames and “Lookout, I hit & run for fun!” along the back, maybe. ;)

The last few days have held an underlying tone of anxiety as I’ve fixated on what the future holds to such a degree that angst has set in, plaguing me and leaving me with nothing more than a whole lotta want and wonder. Ever feel that way? I’m in a state of childish wanting where I want what I want and I want it now. I don’t want to wait any longer, good things may come to those who wait, waiting may be good for me, be the state in which I grow and progress, learn and am refined, but currently that means nothing as I struggle in this ever lengthening stretch in time. Wanting something, some place, someone, with utter disregard for patience and planning, temperance and maturity.

Give. Me. What. I. Want. Now.

There aren’t a whole lot of specifics to this want of mine, just the want itself, of exploring the “what ifs” and the possibilities, wanting to fast forward and skip to the answers instead of walking it out living it day to day until the answers and what is to be, present themselves naturally. Nevertheless, this want is good, for it propels me forward, keeps me plugging away, productive. Boy, it’d be nice to toss all the cares and responsibilities to the wind and move off somewhere decadent and indulgent, provencial, for a time, though, yes? ♦

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