Cluck

Last night I sat at the window on a stool at my favorite coffee shop, Bauhaus Books & Coffee, looking out to what could be seen of the skyline, mostly the Space Needle, as the rain came down in true Seattle fashion. Always wanna be one of those people sitting in the window looking out at the passersby, and it was finally time, as I’m upstairs most often. I was awash in pink and plum. I like to arrive having made it a point to wear something colorful as that place is often filled with moody glass-half-empty boys donning head-to-toe black. Nevermind that nearly half my wardrobe is black as well. It’s good to defy their status quo and win an occasional smile from the predominantly glum in heart.

I have the drive, the desire, the fortitude, the dogged determination

This week, I managed to reread through all my prior posts. Just over two years of them. Looking at the dates, it seems that I posted twice a week at times, and if not, at least twice a month, for the first year. How’d I manage THAT?! In taking stock, I see just how very much I’ve allowed myself to become side-tracked here and side-tracked there and generally cowered into a corner, like a big yellow chicken, instead of having completed the necessary tasks at hand already to get to where I wanna be. With every day that passes I check something off the list towards my greater goals, it just feels like I’m moving underwater as I go! How can I be so fearless and strong (says I) in some areas and in others, the ones that seem to matter most, be the complete opposite? I’m just gonna act my way outta this. Act as if I have the confidence to get up and over, which I totally do, I know full well what I can do and what I have to give, and I’m bursting to do so, but my fear lies in presenting it all, literally laying it all out on the table, only to be told, no. We don’t want you. We can’t use you. To not be allowed a place to plug in would near kill me. My comfort lies in telling myself I only need one “yes.” Just one. I suppose it’s very much like finding someone to love and be loved in return by, and I generally have no fear in that department, trusting that it’s all working itself out as it should in its own time. Another plus, I have the drive, the desire, the fortitude, the dogged determination, if I could just stop getting lost in myself along the way. Does that make sense? Let’s say, I’ve got potential. By chance I DO get lost in myself again and you witness no signs of victorious proof of progress, would you just slap me really, really, hard?

That brings me to the banana peel on my car windshield. Sat down only to look up and- voila! A really large brownish-yellow leaf kinda startled me in its size and peculiar shape splayed out on the glass. Le peel de banana! I envisioned some disgruntled morning commuter flinging it out in a moment’s frustration on the way to their bread and butter.

Saw Across the Universe, finally! You know, that movie of the musical variety, set in the 60’s to the tune of many a covered Beatles song. I was mildly disappointed, though, the cameos by Joe Cocker and Bono along with the scene including the making of messy, messy art involving strawberries (my current favorite fruit, if not food, even!) made it worth it.

Alcoves containing secluded booths draped in rich, deep burgundy

Lastly, devastatingly good Thai food! The night before last. Dinner with friends. New restaurant! Only problem? I love, love, love spicy food! It really kicked in somewhere around age 23ish and now comes in these fits of NEED. The friends were only up for 2 stars, though, as it was family-style dining, when I really wanted to give 5 stars a shot. Had 4 before and was approaching that happy pain mode. Curries! I’ve tried and tried to like them to no avail. Triumph, at last! Delicisioso! And the green beans, H-E-A-V-E-N. How I can despise canned green beans and have a mild love affair with those freshly prepped ones is a marvel. Sooooo, yuuuuummy. The atmosphere. Alcoves containing secluded booths draped in rich, deep burgundy and aubergine fabrics and lit with warm, glowing, glass sconces in jeweled colors. Multi-colored tiling in citron greens and pumpkin orange along the walls and deep mahogany woods for the tables and flooring. Candles galore. Quality chopsticks (I have a collection!), I so appreciate when others understand the importance of details! It can make a place. And an experience. ♦

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